Week for March 4-8

Stress. Oh the stress that happens in a family. That was the topic for this week. We discuss the impacts of fmaily crisis, types of crisis we've had in our family, and personal crisis.
For Wed. class, we had to come with 10 crisis we've had to deal with, and we got to share a couple with a classmate. Some points during this week were difficult for me, because one of the crisis I came up with was the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. On August 14, 2011, my sister gets a phone call from a friend in our stake saying that this family in the stake were killed earlier that day in a plane crash while on vacation. I was in such shock that it took me a while to cry. I didn't know how to react, handle everything, or what to do. The next 3 days or so I hardly ate because I was in such depression. I kept thinking that they were going to pop up and say, "Hey, just kidding everyone. We're all okay." But as time went on, I learned how to handle it-though the one year anniversary was hard-and I know that through the gospel I get to see them again.

The Whittle Family-Vikki, MacLean (16), Brittany, (13), Randy

We had the opportunity this week to discuss sexual intimavy and family life. This was a "tender" topic, as my teacher put it so well. We talked about the differences in men and women when it comes to arousal, response cycles, and so on. We also got to post anomously on a board asking questions about sexual intimacy that our teacher would pick from to answer in class. That was really interesting to see what people wnated to know and how they could deal with their feelings behind it. It was interesting-ina good way-to address this topic. Not being married or in a serious relaltionship right now is okay for me, because I felt that I got prepared in a way for when it comes time to discuss this and/or have that moment with my husband.

During the week of Feb.18-22, we discussed the transitions in marriage, which included the aspects of the wedding, the marriage itself, introducing children starting from one then adding more.
When talking about the wedding, you hear about how much stress it in preparing for the big day, from setting an appoinment to decorating for a reception to who and how many you're inviting. What makes a good wedding and what makes a good marriage are actually different things.
With the wedding, well for starters, it's to celebrate the love between a couple. Also certain culture, family, and religous traditions help define the ceremony and the way you're doing everything, including what you will wear. There is a lot of planning for that big day because it is something to celebrate what has happened between a man and women. They have decided to be joined together for life (and in the LDS community, eternity), and it's the first day of the rest of their lives together.
With the marriage, there are many adjustments that need to be made. You're now living with someone who has different habits and has a different way of doing/handling things. You need to work together to decide what works for the two of you, and what will work when you begin and raise a family. You need to work together to take care of situations, like paying the bills and such; who's going to do what, how you're going to approach it, and so on.
Then comes the family. You're now having to take care of a little child (unless you start off with twins or more) who strongly needs your help to survive. You're having to care of him/her when they're crying, hungry, have a dirty diaper, and so on. Work together to decide who will do what. I am touched when a husband will be the one to get up in the middle of the night to tend to the baby while his wife sleeps, because she's having to do so much while he's away at work and/or school. As your family grows, parents can work together to take of various tasks with the children, such as who will take the kids to school, who will help who with getting ready for bed, etc.

Well, what a  fun week it was last week! Our topic was Preparing for Marriage. Let's just say I was excited to talk about this, hahaha. Being 20-years-old, I am looking more at what I want in a husband. My sister-in-law was 20 when she got married, so it makes me more aware of how real it can be to get married at my age.
We talked about the difference between hanging out and hooking up, what's important in a date, how our dating habits leads to the kind of marriage we want or end up with, and so on. For Wednesday's reading, we had to read the chapter in our textbook titles Falling In Love. With discussions involving this topic and dating, I kept reflecting on a relationship I was sort-of involved in. We weren't officially boyfriend and girlfriend, but he's been the closest thing so far, since I've never had a boyfriend. In the end I was heartbroken because he still had feelings for his last ex, and realized he wasn't ready to move on. I think back and look at his qualities, and he didn't really have anything that would work for me; he's not a return missionary either, and he's not quite ready yet to go (this he told me). I knew the signs and was warned to watch out, but I didn't pay attention and ignored them.
I came out of it knowing that I made a mistake (and putting him out of my life), but used it as a learning process. Even though I haven't been on any dates since (not by choice), and coming up to school, I am careful about the guys around me, watching for those qualities that I do and don't want; I don't want to end up in a bad relationship again. I know guys from back home that have good qualities that have gotten my attention, and I see guys with their girlfriends/wives, and when I see courteous behavior, I think how lucky they are.
I feel that I am more prepared for the next step, and felt that I could handle it the longer I've been here, having to live on my own, take care of myself, take on many responsibilities, and so forth. When the right guy comes into my life, I know the Lord will let me know that he will be the one for me, and that He will be with me as I move on to the next phase in my life.

We had quite a lesson this week about gender roles and the sensitive topic of gay/lesbian people. Since my post in our discussion board has a lot of feeling and is a bit personal, I decided to post that tonight, since it sums up my feelings pretty well. Enjoy!

 

 

 

"With the discussion of gender roles, it made me think of my family and how my parents have worked things out. My dad has always beem the working one. But after losing his job, and having tough times to follow within the next 2-3 years, my mom stepped up and went to work part time, then full time for a while when we were in financial trouble. After my dad was able to secure work, my mom continued to work, but only part time so that she could be home with us, and has been working ever since. My parents have been able to work together to support the family, and still make time for us kids.

I also have two older brothers and a younger sister, and I looked a lot up to my older brothers. I wanted to do things they were doing, and I did some of those things, but I still enjoyed the girl things. And when someone says that we should make boys more like girls and vice versa makes me thinks that they do not understand what they're saying. If kids are going to get into things that the opposite gender is into, is not because something is wrong with them. I think is comes down to personality, interests, and choice. And, we are the gender we are for a reason, and with that comes responsibilities that we were meant to have. It's okay for men to be softhearted and gentle without having to act feminine and gay, and women can be tough without having to come off as lesbian. We may be into different things for both genders, but that doesn't take away who we are naturally when it comes to supporting a family. Dad's can be playful and nuturing, as did my dad. He played a lot with me and my siblings growing up, and it meant a lot to all of us and is some of our fondest memories of him. Yet, he is strong and protective, naturally."

This is a little last, but last week we talked about culture diversity and social class. We were asked to reply in a discussion board on whether we thought cultures were equal. Since not everyone can see what I write in my assignment, I can tell you that I do believe that cultures are equal. They all have their own set of rules and morals that they follow that help establish who they are. For me, being LDS, not every culture has things that I would agree with, but my culture for me is being a member of the church. I have reccommendations and commandment that I am expected to follow as a faithful member, and for me, I've found it easier to live as I have gotten older. I have learned to appreciate it more, and I understand what I am living and why I am doing it.
With social class, people tend to identify themselves and others in social class, based off of money, posessions, and how they live. It's really sad when people have to live in what is known as the lower class, and they just accept it and think that nothing is going to change. We sae this is a short video of a woman and her kids. They live in a worn out moblie home, with garbage everywhere, no friends over, and such. The kids they talked to the most said he's embarrased by the way he lives, and how his mother just accepts it and think nothing will change. He shouldn't feel this way, and the mother should be able to provide for her family properly and try to make a difference to improve her way pf living, especially for her children. With rich people, they don;t always think of themselves as upper class and think that "too much" is not enough. For example, if a family has a 5000-square-foot house, and they have a kid, they think it's not enough space, so they either expand or move to a larger house. You don't always need a lot of space just because you have a lot of money.

This week we talked about fertility and the declining population. I have to admit that I was kind of surprised that people think smaller families are better and big families are not modern. How sad is that? To hear that the world's population is declining is a sad thing to hear. Family is so important, and without that, how can we survive? A big result of this is that women are having less children. The birthrate is lower that the replacement rate. This means that population rate is getting smaller faster than the rate of childbirth.
I don't like that people nowadays think that smaller families are better. They say its less responsibility, you're more financially stable, and so on. Personally for me, I like big families, and I think it's way better than having one or two children. So many more memories can be created, and it's just a lot more fun all around. I come from a family of four children, and I love having more than one sibling to talk to. I also love having my sister-in-law as a part of my family as well and getting to know her family.
Both of my parents come from large families, and I love being able to have a lot of family and to hear all the amazing and fun things they get to be a part of. I'm friends with just about everyone on Facebook, and it's great to be able to communicate with all of them and to see what they are doing in their lives. Family events are always better with more people, and I hope that the rest of the world can see this, and see that family is so important to our population.

This is my new blog for my Family Relations class that I am taking here at BYU-Idaho. So far I really enjoy the class, and I am looking forward to everything that I will be learning, and having the opportunity to blog it and have you all see what I am learning.